What my Kids have learned from Suffering

The other day we were walking out of the parking garage into the mall…. and sophia said, this is just like the hospital!! Sophia had a thing for the hospital parking garage…
I had shared on IG: “My mom told me today that yesterday as she drove the kids out of the hospital parking garage they reached the top and Sophia from the backseat goes “it’s so beautiful!!!!” My mom asked what was? “The sky!!!! It’s so beautiful!!” my mom laughed and agreed and thought from her view seeing the sunset it must have been the perfect shot going from dark to light. Sophia then said “I want to have my birthday here!!!!!”  I seriously love her and her view of the world.”

It’s random comments like this one about the hospital parking garage that I realize they remember that crazy time still so much. My 2 week stay at 3 different hospitals, the fear of the unknown, countless tests, a couple minor operations and a surgery… left a major impression on my family. It still brings me fear some days… fear that a future scan will bring bad news. That the pain in my abdomen will come on again. It is still etched in my mind my kids’ sweet little scared faces when they walked into the hospital room where I was laying..tube in my nose, tube in my side and iv in my neck and hand. I looked sore, tired and weary. Ah it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. those two weeks being away from my family were so hard and part of it was knowing how my kids were missing me and trying to understand the chaos that swept over our family. Sophia told me yesterday, “Mom, I cried for you every day when you were at the hospital.” I know kids are resilient… and they were sheltered from a lot of the scary stuff during that time. But they still picked up a lot. I came across a video from the hospital the other day while on my computer, it was the one of ben and I smiling because I was going home that day! Sienna walked over and watched it…and then when it was over she said, “mom I had tears in my eyes watching that.” I hugged and squeezed on her. And we thanked God that we were all better and all together.

It was a time of such horrible pain, fear of not knowing what was going on with me and fear that one of the tests were going to come back and be bad news. I would like to say I was positive through it all. But I wasn’t. I remember moments during the episodes I was screaming and writhing in pain in my abdomen, just thinking it was not going to end. And just trying to look so hard at my husband and mom that were with me.. like I just wanted to soak all of them up. I really was thinking the doctors were going to come back and say it was something not fixable. It was during those days that I fully experienced the power of prayer… That day I needed to be able to sit still for a test..there was just no way I could do it. My mom even had talked to my husband in the hall about how it just didn’t seem possible. Because.. it didn’t. The moment the pain subsided, was the time people from all over were praying. I even had a girl on IG share her entire church prayed during that time for me and my family. It was incredible. The pain came back later that night with a vengeance, the worst yet, but it held off long enough so I could lay still. I even fell asleep which was something new. This was the test that found the 4 cm precancerous cyst on my pancreas and pretty much saved my life. If they missed that…. who knows when it would have been revealed, if ever, until it was too late. They kept telling me pancreas cancer is a silent killer and usually not detected till it’s progressed too far.
They did the surgery to remove my gal bladder, spleen and 20-30 % of my pancreas.
“@blesnefsky here again. Everything went great. We’re back in her room now. She’s in a good amount of pain but doing ok she’s peaceful and resting. She has 6 incisions a drain on the side of her abdomin to drain excess fluid from surgery and a tube in her nose to drain the stomach. During surgery they think they may have found a cause to the left side pain as the cyst was pushing against the spleen and her veins to spleen were really enlarged. The said the cyst would have also ended up giving her liver problems down the line. Gall bladder definitely had to come out and will relieve right side pain. Cyst is off to pathology and we should know the results of that wed to Friday. God is good prayers for recovery”

One thing that I have discovered after experiencing this type of cross in our family… is how my kids are so much more aware of suffering and have this very clear empathy for those they hear are suffering. It opened their eyes to how, sometimes, you experience sad things… and are sad. and it is nice when people love on you and pray for you. I’ve seen it come up in conversations when I tell them someone we know had to go to the hospital or is sad… They have such concern and sympathy and this desire to take action.
We all experience different crosses in our life. And once we get through them, we often look to what we can learn from that experience or take away from it……sometimes it’s hard to see ANYTHING good can coming from that suffering… But I can say that my kids took away a bigger heart. I’ve seen it first hand. And though that fear is there… I think that their empathy for others greatly outshines it.
I hope that I can pass on to them what my mom passed on to me.
Never waste a single tear. always offer it up for someone or something.

You can read my first Hospital Reflections and IG shares during those two weeks HERE.
I’m so thankful for where we are today… and soaking up
these summer days with my sweeties!