Some days are really hard..I miss Shannon so much.
But I started to pray for her killer by name at night.
before I would just say ‘him’.
My husband Ben thought it would be a good step for me..
the first time I said it I wanted to break down..
I felt a gulp in my throat. a knot in my stomach.
but gradually it’s gotten easier….and the idea of ACTUALLY forgiving is more real.
It’s easier to just go through the motions if you don’t say his name.
(I will continue to say ‘him’ on my public blog though)
I know shannon is praying for his conversion..so how can I not?
A priest the other day told me that by praying for him
and his conversion I am showing that I want him in heaven.
I know that is what God desires..all of us in heaven with Him one day.
How can I disagree with God??
I still struggle with the thought of him leading his life even if it IS in jail..it’s a life none the less.
But I have to remind myself that Shannon is living eternal life…
way better than anything we have experienced here.
And even though I cry for the memories we won’t be able to make together..
I’m going to remember her and be inspired by her faith during the hard moments she experienced. And hopefully her life and death will make me realize and never forget that life is short..and life can be hard…but life is just our path to something far greater. and that if we view it this way..every little difficulty we have is leading us towards HIM.
I guess in preparing for Easter… I’ve been reflecting on how at the foot of the cross
Mary held her son.. and even in her pain she forgave those who tortured and crucified her son.
So I look to her as an example of how to love. how to forgive.
Even though I’m solid in my faith..
I’m always a little nervous about putting this out here on my blog..
but…at the same time..this is my blog and I try to keep it as real and personable as possible!
And hopefully those who choose to follow me appreciate raw and candid emotional posts like this and not just giveaways and diy projects…although I do love a good diy project. ;)
Her family recently postd this note on Shannon’s memorial Facebook Page…
A note that Shannon kept close to her was found today. It reads:
“Lord Jesus, I trust in you. Despite the real struggles and obstacles in my path now, I know that you are leading me towards you. You are the only one who can fill the depths of my heart. Somehow, mysteriously, each of these trials is part of making that a reality.”
Not sure if you are experiencing any type of grief..or needing to forgive someone..
but I feel that I want my heart to heal. I don’t want to be broken. I need to be a whole person for my husband..my girls.. and forgiving is part of helping me heal.
Someone you love being killed in such a violent way will always bring up emotions in me..I will always feel sadness when I think of losing her..how we lost her..But I just don’t want to feel anger anymore..I won’t want to have hate in my heart.
And I think Some days will be harder than others..but I’m going to try.
In confession the other day (I don’t mind sharing this..)
The priest brought up the amazing forgiveness of the mother of St. Maria Goretti.
When Maria Goretti was 11 years old she was stabbed 14 times by a 20 yr old man
who had made advances on her but she refused them all.
As she was dieing..Someone asked if she forgave her murderer, she replied,
“Yes, for the love of Jesus I forgive him…and I want him to be with me in Paradise.”
Her forgiveness is incredible..but her mother carried it on…
Her murderer had a conversion and when he got out of jail the first thing he did
was to beg Maria’s mother for forgiveness….she invited him to Christmas dinner….!!!
She is the patron saint of Abused Children and Rape Victims.
If you want to read her whole story visit here. I googled it and found this page..
I wanted to share how my journey is going..
Thanks for listening.
Please continue to pray for me and all those affected by Domestic Violence.
It broke my heart these past couple weeks..So many stories on my local news mentioned some sort of domestic violence. The boy who went into his high school and starting shooting fellow students was from a home of domestic violence.. And now all of those families (3 lost a child..others injured..) I don’t know the entire story..I chose to not read any further because I wasn’t in a position to get emotional and let myself go there..I had my girls at my feet..
But I said a prayer that day for them..Because I know how hard it is to lost someone you love…and shannon wasn’t even my own child!
I am just so saddened to see that Domestic Violence has this incredible ripple effect…..so many lives hurt from it. So please..if you see anything…hear anything..don’t be afraid to step in. I will post about this till the day I stop blogging…please..speak up.
To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.
Please Pray for peace in our world
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.
Heather L.
March 3, 2012 at 10:32 amYou are such a strong woman. I admire your ability to work toward forgiveness. Thank you for sharing your story here!
You know what makes me so sad? In almost every picture, Shannon is looking at her kids with such joy. Her love for them is just so obvious. I feel so sad for her kids =(
I will continue to pray for you, and for Shannon’s family.
Christy from fountains of home
March 3, 2012 at 3:57 pmI think its great you’re sharing your faith in your writing! Its a beautiful thing especially in the face of so much destruction and violence. Its so very hard to understand these things, but praying must help!
Prayers for you all!
Jessica @ Lavender and Lilies
March 4, 2012 at 1:16 pmYour faith is amazing. Forgiveness is a gift and your ability to forgive is admirable.
Christy
March 5, 2012 at 1:24 pmWhat a strong & courageous woman you are Natalie! Thanks for being so real & sharing your walk with God so intimately. Thinking of you. *hugs*
Krista
March 5, 2012 at 1:44 pmPraying for continued strength for you as you take this next step toward forgiveness. I can only imagine how hard what you have experienced is. Rest assured you are making a huge difference by keeping this issue at the forefront of people’s minds by posting about your own experiences. Blessings Natalie!
Jen V.
March 5, 2012 at 3:57 pmI am a longtime follower of your blog and have never commented but I feel the need to tell you what a beautiful post that was. You are an inspiration and everyone should strive to have faith as strong as yours obviously is.
God Bless you and your family Natalie and prayers to Shannon and her family!!!
Ashley
March 5, 2012 at 4:14 pmWow! Your faith is amazing. I was just reading something similar on forgiveness this weekend; I admire what you’re doing. Keep it up!
Christine @ MoreThanMommies.net
March 6, 2012 at 9:47 amForgiveness is a gift from God as much for you as it is for the person you are forgiving. I believe that. When you forgive your heart and mind and soul are yours again, no longer held captive by hurt, anger, resentment, fear, and all the negativity that keeps us from God. I admire your courage and your willingness to share your journey. I am sorry for your loss and will lift you all up in prayer!
stacie
March 6, 2012 at 11:06 pmThank you for sharing about Shannon. I found your blog on Pinterest for Peter Rabbit idea and crazy enough, I ran across this post. I went to high school with Shannon and always loved how sweet and genuine she was to us all. Praying for continued courage and strength.
Stacie Thompson
Dave n' Lili
April 18, 2012 at 2:14 pmThank you for posting this. Your faith is inspiring and makes me want to be a holier person. St. Maria Goretti is one of my favorite saints. Through her intercession I feel that I have been able to forgive some people that have truly hurt me.
I am dealing with the loss of my sister in-law. She had a terminal illness and suffered for a long time. She fought with her eyes set on Jesus and her faith never wavered. She was an amazing woman filled with the joy and love of the Lord. We knew she would eventually pass, but the grief is still paralyzing. I too have two little ones and am struggling with how/when to grieve. Being a wife and mother is hard work especially in times when we are struggling. Know that you are in my prayers and that true forgiveness, joy and peace is found at His feet. God Bless.