I try to blog about what is current and relative to me.. and with losing Shannon so tragically this past week..that is what I have been wanting to share. I’ve always written while going through hard times..this by far the biggest struggle I have faced yet. It has been very helpful for me…and I have been AMAZED by the love and prayers and support I have received from my family and friends and from the bloggy world! I have felt so much love..and I have felt your prayers. Each day I have been receiving e-mails from women sharing their own experiences with facing a tragedy..with domestic violence.. with losing someone they love..the honest outpouring of your hearts has been so incredible and has helped me to heal more than you will ever know.
We are home now in pittsburgh..just flew in from Charlotte where I stayed with my family for a few days after the funeral in Atlanta. It was a bitter sweet time with them. I was so thankful to have them to lean on for support..to mourn with.. but at the same time Shannon was supposed to be there visiting with us during my visit down south. And being there, was a constant reminder of how she was gone. The little cousins played together..and their joy and smiles and crazy “we are exhausted and are now tormenting each other” moments were very helpful though in keeping me from being overwhelmed with the sadness. The cooking, baking, going to the pool and church were just what I needed during this time.
I am thankful for your prayers and like I’ve been telling many people.. now is the time for me to practice what I have professed to believe for the past 25 years of my life. That one day Christ will come and bring us to Himself. That this world is not our home. That we have a purpose to be here..He has a plan for us. We do not see the whole picture. We must only be open to hearing what that could be..and being His hands and feet in the time He gives us. I take my role as a mother very seriously…I am to get these girls to heaven..to teach them how to love..how to forgive. And this experience of losing Shannon..has made my heart grow..painfully grow!! And I hope that it helps me to be a better mother to them. I believe in Heaven…but I just now realized, that once you lose someone who you are really close too..when you picture them there..to me that is when heaven seemed the most real. And when you think about how we don’t know how long we will be on this earth..it makes you want to seize the day!! to do everything in your power to love those around you..let them know they are loved! even the random grouchy grocery clerk “helping” you…or the fellow mommy at the play ground who looks…tired. I know i’m going to be sad for a while…but I also want to be filled with joy and use the reminder of shannon’s contagious joy to be a kind friend to those that I meet. I know i’m rambling…i’m known for that….just try talking to me in person..the hands are flying when I talk! at least you are at a safe distance right now. ;) I guess all I want to say….is that I can already feel how Shannon is encouraging and inspiring me from above. and I always pictured myself a good woman..but I want to be more than a good woman. good women are boring!! I want to be a holy woman! and set my eyes on something more than what this world has to offer…aim for heaven! and to use every to do list duty of the day and little struggle I might encounter…to love.
love more than I thought I could before..
love more than I thought I could before..
to love like shannon loved.
The other day I was thinking about my blog..and asked ben..where do I go from here?? I couldn’t even think about blogging about anything..it all seemed so un-important..but ben encouraged me…and helped me to realize that on this blog I celebrate motherhood….all that it entails.. the good the bad (the stinky..) And I want to continue that. I will always think of Shannon as a beautiful example of a mother! It will take time to heal…and I will use this blog to keep her story and life alive. On my sidebar you will see her photo..so that any random person that comes to my blog..may read her story…and be touched by her amazing heart and beauty that came from the inside out. Maybe they will be inspired to get involved with preventing Domestic Violence..or Donate to help her babies emma and peter.
To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.
Please Pray for peace in our world
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.
Cheryl E.
June 15, 2011 at 8:12 pmI love this post! You are such an amazing women and mother. You inspire me to be a better mom, letting my little guy know that I love him even on the bad fussy days. I am glad to see you are back safely. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Krista
June 15, 2011 at 8:23 pmI lost a cousin in a shooting several years ago. One of the worst parts about it is that no one would share what really happened with me. All I really know is that the man who shot him is in jail. And now no one ever mentions my cousin for fear of getting upset. It’s almost like he never existed. That weighs heavy on my heart. My only solice is to just remember my favorite times with him. I think talking about your loss and keeping Shannon alive in your life and on your blog is the most wonderful thing. It really seems to be helping you heal a little already. Your attitude towards making a difference and sharing how this has effected you is sure to encourage many others. Even though I didn’t know Shannon, your sharing her story has also made me want to live my life with a bit more passion and faith. Shannon is indeed making a difference and so are you.
Keep doing what is in your heart.
Megan
June 15, 2011 at 9:29 pmNatalie, I came across this verse today and immediately my heart was drawn to it for you. Take courage. God is not distant, nor is he indifferent. And our hope is certainly not wasted in Him.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle; you have recorded each one in your book” Ps. 56:8
Allison
June 16, 2011 at 10:08 amThank you for blogging about Shannon, her story, her life, and her death. I barely knew Shannon. We attended the same high school and a few church events together. The last time I saw her she was working at my kids’ pediatrician’s office. But I’ve been mourning her tragic death for a week now and your blog has greatly helped me. Reading your honesty and love has helped me celebrate a person a barely knew, but who I’ve shed tears over. Thank you for sharing her amazing smile and joy of motherhood. Thank you for sharing your journey through this.
~ Allison Keeling
Simply Domestic
June 17, 2011 at 11:14 amI’ve read all your posts about Shannon. My heart breaks for you, her family, her kids and everyone who knew here. This is such a beautiful post. You are in my prayers!