I keep writing..not sure if i’ll hit the
publish post button or not when i’m done….
Is there a right way to deal with this loss?? am I doing this right??
Should I feel sad and mad at the same time??
How long can I cry before I need to get it together…
Is it ok that i just want to scream..but nothing can come out?
All totally stupid questions. i know. and i don’t even need an answer..
but I feel numb today.
yesterday I cried until I thought I couldn’t cry anymore..
and then i cried again.
but today…i just feel completely foggy. i have been looking at photos of our fun times..trying to focus on the good..the gift she was. but i’m just not totally there yet.. i know i know i’m crazy right it’s only been over 24 hours I can’t expect to automatically get it..but I am the person who wants to take care of someone else..not need to be taken care of..to feel so helpless. But this is where i’m going to grow…as a mom..as a woman…
shannon is already working even more in my life even when she is not here!
This is the first loss of someone I cared for… and i’m just going through so many emotions that I wish on no one. I think the hardest part is that it was not an accident..it was a cruel act of violence. No one deserves to die so cruely. in the back of a pick up truck. i couldn’t even write that before..it was just too horrible.. but knowing shannon..
she probably was offering any suffering up for her babies..
she was AMAZING.
Being a mom…
This is the first loss of someone I cared for… and i’m just going through so many emotions that I wish on no one. I think the hardest part is that it was not an accident..it was a cruel act of violence. No one deserves to die so cruely. in the back of a pick up truck. i couldn’t even write that before..it was just too horrible.. but knowing shannon..she probably was offering any suffering up for her babies..
she was AMAZING.
Being a mom…
I feel like I have to pull it together and take care of my girls.
Sophie has seen me cry..and my husband hug me…
but I smile at her. And I tickle her. and hug her.
and put on dress up clothes and act silly with her.
(it’s been a busy morning..haha.)
Sophia was looking at the post with me…i keep it up just to look at shannon ever so often.. and I told her with a smile..that’s mommy…and shannon.. my friend…
sophia lovesss “friends”..just the whole idea is so fun for her right now.
She loves the photo of us mommies with her and emma.
i love it too.
I’m hugging my girls and husband a little tighter today.
going through the motions of cleaning the house and packing for the trip to atlanta for the funeral. we fly down tomorrow. I am known for cleaning when i’m emotional….and we are finishing renovations in our new place and moving when we get home..so i have plenty of things to clean right now. i’m finding ever so often just staying busy is helping to grieve.
we went to the park yesterday…and the girls and i sat in the grass while daddy played basketball. it was nice..but my mind kept going to shannon..
and I would just wipe the tear and smile for my babies.
I have had to console my husbands youth group teens many times in cases like this…
so i know all the “things to say”…
but it feels different when it is you who is experiencing this loss.
I am saddened for my loss of her in my life…
but joyful that she is in heaven now.
safe. at peace. i keep trying to just imagine the people she is meeting there!
and how she is now my guardian angel.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
All of the messages I have been receiving mean so much to me..your prayers..your generosity in helping me get to the funeral.. I am BLOWN AWAY by your kindess.
And all of the prayers for her family and babies..oh my goodness her babies…
And all of the prayers for her family and babies..oh my goodness her babies…
your prayers are so important..they will be felt. so please do not stop!
storm heaven with your prayers for her little ones.
Shannon’s mom said that they are home now with her..and that the oldest
(sophia’s age) seems to not know everything that had happened
(even though they were there in the car when it happened. God bless their little hearts.)
Shannon Lawrence Memorial Fund
(sophia’s age) seems to not know everything that had happened
(even though they were there in the car when it happened. God bless their little hearts.)
Shannon Lawrence Memorial Fund
If you would like to contribute to her little babies
you can find more information here.
So many of you wonderful loving people have asked how you can help Shannon’s children, and the family is awestruck by this outpouring of generosity for these two children and Shannon’s memory. If you wish to contribute, simply click on the “Donate” button to make a secure donation through Paypal.
So many of you wonderful loving people have asked how you can help Shannon’s children, and the family is awestruck by this outpouring of generosity for these two children and Shannon’s memory. If you wish to contribute, simply click on the “Donate” button to make a secure donation through Paypal.
My husband and I were talking yesterday…and it’s like experiencing this opens up a whole new world…domestic violence is all too common these days… I am going to join up with a non-profit somehow.. Shannon was brave enough to leave this man…stand up to him. The courts in my eyes failed her..but we must make sure this does not happen again. She is my inspiration to get involved..to help others experiencing the same difficulties.
Her life could save a generation of children who might have otherwise been effected by Domestic Violence.
Her life could save a generation of children who might have otherwise been effected by Domestic Violence.
1 in 3 women are effected
by domestic violence…..
yesterday I had over 3,000 page loads..
1000 by 10 am today.. many fellow mourners of our shannon.
by domestic violence…..
yesterday I had over 3,000 page loads..
1000 by 10 am today.. many fellow mourners of our shannon.
I pray for each one of you.
I pray for those of you who are effected by this type of violence.. a friend of yours, a sister, an aunt, even you.
May you have peace in your life..
You have an angel in heaven praying for you too.
This article doesn’t have the complete details..but it has the background information.. one of the news stories.
To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.
Please Pray for peace in our world
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.
To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.
Please Pray for peace in our world
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.
Cecilia
June 7, 2011 at 2:39 pmSending you strength as you work through this tragic loss. I am crying for those sweet children who lost their Mother.
Laura
June 7, 2011 at 2:50 pmShannon was one of my best friends as well. I love the pictures you have posted. The greiving process is different for everyone and it sounds like you have been handling it well. We will all miss her tremedously and she is looking down us, watching over us, as we mourn for her and celebrate her life.
Angie
June 7, 2011 at 2:51 pmMy whole heart is aching right now. I’m so sad for her babies. And for you…oh girl. I am so sorry.
I’m praying for you and for her babies. I just don’t understand. Hugs. xoxo
Cara
June 7, 2011 at 3:15 pmI think the hardest thing is the not knowing part. Whay did he do it? What will the kids remember, what was she thinking at the time? I just can’t wrap my head around it. I will continue to pray for her sweet babies, and also for you.
Hang in there sweetie:)
Cara
michaela
June 7, 2011 at 3:33 pmGod knows you by name and has your best interest at heart. He will be with you and will carry you when you can’t find the strength to stand on your own…Just wanted you to know that during this difficult time you are loved, prayed for,and never, ever alone.
Such a tragic, senseless loss. My heart breaks for you.
L.A.
June 7, 2011 at 3:39 pmNatalie-of course you’re handling it well. As difficult as it is, and as much as you want to put on a brave face for your family and hers, don’t ever question if your grieving is ‘right’. I think grieving is a life long process-one day the hurt won’t be so strong but there will be days when her memory fills your heart and you need to set some time aside for yourself to continue to grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss-thank you for your stregnth in sharing this with your readers. Both your & Shannon’s families are in my thoughts and prayers.
MotherGoose
June 7, 2011 at 3:48 pmI hadn’t talked with Shannon in years and am devastated:( I cant imagine the pain her family and close friends are feeling((hugs)) Tears, anger, the “whys” are all normal. Shannon was an amazing person and a great friend at times when i really needed one. My heart aches for her babies, I have two their age and I cant imagine:( My prayers are they dont remember the incident but DO remember Shannon. She was a great mom and I wish with all my heart this had not happened. I am a better person for having known Shannon and her solid faith and pure heart.
~JoAnna~
LeAnna
June 7, 2011 at 4:24 pmThis absolutely has just broken my heart this afternoon. I am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for the end of what looked to be a beautiful friendship with a precious lady. And I’m sorry for her beautiful little children. Prayers to her family, and to you as well.
Beth
June 7, 2011 at 4:43 pmNatalie, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain and sorrow you have. Please know of my prayers for you and your family as you travel to Atlanta – and for the respose of Shannon’s soul and for her babies and family. May Our Lady’s mantle wrap around you this day and bring you great comfort.
Rebecca
June 7, 2011 at 4:49 pmNatalie,
I am so sorry! I will be praying for you and your friend’s family. I may not know this type of loss, but I do know about loss and questioning and wondering “am I doing this right”…there is no right! Do what feels right to you…if it means crying, screaming, sleeping, hiding, laughing, playing…singing. In my grieving, I felt guilty at one point for smiling…your friend would want you to smile. She is where we all want to be! This is not our home! So hard to wrap our brains around that sometimes, but we are not meant for this place. Pray to your friend, talk to her as if she is next to you. You will be together again!
With Love,
Rebecca
Nuha
June 7, 2011 at 7:54 pmI’m so sorry for your loss. It’s devastating what people can do to one another. She was a beautiful girl who will be remembered by two babies
Anonymous
June 7, 2011 at 8:37 pmNatalie,
I am feeling your pain as well. Shannon was my maid of honor in my wedding back in 2003. So beautiful, so sweet, so smart, she embodied an angel here on earth. I have been an ER nurse for a decade, seeing death day in and day out, yet one is never prepared to lose someone who touched so many. You are doing a great job, please don’t second guess yourself. Call me crazy, but today as I was starting some VERY difficult IVs I felt as if she was close to me helping through the craziness. I started every single IV on the first attempt. Thank you Shannon. Even as an angel she is hard at work, helping everyone just as she did down here with us. She may not be here with us physically, but I promise you, she will always be with us in our hearts and watching us from above. Hang in there and be careful in your travels.
With a friends support, Amy M
Susan
June 7, 2011 at 9:19 pmNatalie I am so glad you put onto paper what is in your heart and in the hearts of so many. Our hearts and prayers are with her and everyone who loved her (esp. her children).
Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants
June 7, 2011 at 9:21 pmSo so sorry, cannot even imagine what her family and friends must be going thru. Prayers surround you!
Phillip and Tricia
June 7, 2011 at 10:52 pmNatalie,
Thank you so much for this! I know she is so proud of you and loves you so much. Oh how I miss her. Look forward to seeing you soon.
Love you,
Tricia
Just Me
June 8, 2011 at 9:33 amoh my. How tragic. How unbelievably tragic.
you and your friends family will be in my prayers.
Steph
June 8, 2011 at 9:50 amMy heart is saddened by this news. I just read the news article of the shooting and it saddens me even more that he did that in front of their children. My heart goes out to them. :(
Karen At Home
June 8, 2011 at 12:43 pmMy heart is just breaking for you and for her precious babies. Thank you for linking the news article and for posting such a beautiful testimony of her life. I have tears in my eyes just taking it all in. She sounds like such a special person and an amazing Mom. I will continue to pray for you and her beautiful babies.
Klare Family
June 8, 2011 at 1:31 pmNat,
This was one of the saddest things I have ever read in my life…i cried with you reading this, and I am just completely floored.
I feel most desparately saddened for her children. I am praying so very hard for this family, for all her friends who knew her as family and that God will allow many graces to flow on those who loved her. God Bless <3 Luci
Marjorie
June 8, 2011 at 1:43 pmIt’s going to take awhile to feel better, you may not ever completely heal from it. Just give yourself time, as much time as you need.
If you don’t mind me asking, how did you meet/know each other and how long have you known each other?
Jenn
June 8, 2011 at 2:11 pmI am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Her poor babies, family and friends. You are all in my prayers at this time.
Beth @beth-adam.blogspot.com
June 8, 2011 at 4:15 pmI was so sad to read about this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. I’m so sorry for your loss and her children’s loss. What a tragedy! But I was so happy to read your latest post that this may bring about much needed changes to a system that is deeply flawed. You and your family and Shannon’s family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Nia Ellis
June 9, 2011 at 12:12 pmI’m very nearly close to tears reading this post, i lost my brother two years ago and although it wasn’t under the same circumstances as you lost shannon, the emotions that you are feeling are all to common. THey are still too raw for me to say that the pain will ease in time, i’m still clinging to the hope that it will. Just remember the good times, and when you think of them, think of something that will make you laugh, not cry. Take care, you are all in my thoughts.