Facing my fears: a Murderer in my dreams

The kids randomly napped for 2.5 hours today..so bed time was pushed back a bit tonight.
Totally worth it though because I slept when they slept! We played our guts out in the backyard.. making mud pies and I worked on painting the DIY play kitchen project. Then after bath and dinner we played on the play room floor. and I squeezed and hugged on the kids more than normal. Bed time went smoother than I thought, considering they napped so long..but I think everyone just needed it.

During that nap today, I had a dream that left me waking up super stressed and anxious and just heavy hearted. Sometimes things trigger dreams for me about Shannon. This time it was the guy at Home Depot who cut the plywood for me. He was super nice and helpful but reminded me down in my bones of how Chris looked. For those of you who are new to my blog, my best friend was murdered by the estranged father of her children, during a custody exchange. Chris is currently serving life in prison. It’ll be 4 years this june. Seems crazy and unreal. I pray Shannon’s soul and for his conversion every night. And that isn’t always an easy thing to do. but she prayed for that too.

I didn’t think much about the similarity when I was there at the store.. it kind of came into my mind and I pushed it out. But it snuck back in while I was dreaming today.

In my dream I was with my family and my siblings’ families celebrating the new cousin that was just born! We randomly were in our friend toni’s house. a house I grew up going too. Toni was friends with Shannon too. My parents were there..and my kids.. but ben wasn’t. instead I was married to this other guy whose face I couldn’t really see but he was similar to the home depot guy/chris…just bigger. and I just knew he wasn’t a good guy in my dream and felt the same as the guy in the courtroom. It started off with just a conversation about something random..and then it turned dangerous…I don’t remember what happened but something triggered me to secretly call the police. I was trying to give them the info without him hearing who I was talking too. I felt like I was facing a fear in this dream. facing a situation that happened to shannon and so many other women experiencing domestic violence.

I remember even at one point hugging this man to calm him and to make him think everything was ok. And then we all suddenly were outside. I felt this pressure that something horrible was going to happen. all my family was there…my dad was doing yard work..and there was a van full of sharp tools that I immediately noticed and thought could be used as a weapon. I remember my mom and I making eye contact thinking, hopefully he doesn’t see these here. I remember thinking in my dream how the police were never going to come..why was it taking so long… but suddenly they came.. and he was taken away. and no one was hurt.
and that was it.

I woke up. just thinking how strange the dream was. I think of shannon every day. I wish she was in my dreams…but instead I get weird ones like this. I wish that the police came in time for her. I wish that it would have played out differently. I woke up so heavy hearted. And trying to process the whole thing.

I’m currently planning our Celebrate Motherhood Conference(Retreat)..we just announced it! But I just feel like Shannon would have loved it. she would be right here planning with me. loading up swag bags, praying for the women and decoration shopping with me. I’ll share more about the event another time… but I know that she is watching over us as we plan and pray and prep. She was robbed of her chance to be the mother of her children all these years… and it breaks my heart. But I know that she is up there guiding us cheering us on.
I’m going to have some red roses at the event just for her. She’ll never be forgotten.

I hope there are more women who are saved in time.
I hope that more women don’t have to experience these life or death situations.
Thankful for the good men out there who love and protect and honor the women in their lives.
Hoping for sweeter dreams tonight.