It’s been 2 weeks since I lost my best friend, Shannon.
What I’m struggling with the most right now, is how cruelly she was taken from us.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t know all the details..because my heart breaks for her just thinking about it. Every time an ambulance passes me while driving around I can’t help but think to myself whyyy didn’t anyone call 911?? I don’t want to be angry..I don’t want to be hateful. And I pray that I can have peace.. that I can love like Shannon loved. Love how Christ loves. I didn’t even think about it until this happened…how INCREDIBLE Christ’s mother Mary was..as she watched her Son being murdered. She is an example to me of forgiveness and love during this difficult time.
But one thing that amazes me about our Shannon is her huge heart..her forgiving heart.
Last night as my husband and I prayed together before bed… I was praying for Shannon..for Emma and Peter…for her mom and dad..her siblings… and then the thought of her ex-bf came into my head.. the one who took her from me… and I had a moment where I didn’t want to pray for him..but I know it was a grace from above and Shannon looking down on me…..and I prayed for him. and I prayed for his family. Even writing these words i’m like ahhhhh. such inner conflict.. but I know that Shannon would do that. She prayed for him through it all. I can feel my heart growing. and the growing pains are..painful.
I have been dreaming of Shannon a lot. some happy dreams..some scary. Last night was a happy one…we were all moving into a house together. her, my sister and another friend of ours. But the other night I had a horribly scary dream. and I woke up sobbing. Ben had to calm me down. My heart was just breaking.
I was having a hard moment this morning…and I went onto her memorial page on facebook.. it helps. And I saw that they had shared her brother’s eulogy. His words were PERFECT. and just what I was needing to hear again this morning. Thank you Justin for putting in words the way so many of us viewed your beautiful sister.
“In times of tragedy, I believe the first question we try to ask is what. What happened? The second that follows as we try to make sense of the senseless is why. Why did this happen? Today, we are here to recognize who; who before us is this wonderful woman.
Shannon is the kindest and most gentle soul I have ever been privileged to know. Her generosity knows no bounds. Her compassion is mystifying endless. Her faith ran deeper than the roots of the mightiest mountains. Somehow, she is always willing to see the best in everyone. She has a smile that lightens what ever may trouble your heart and spreads joy to all who are lucky enough to see it. These things brought her the adoration, affection, and admiration, of all who knew her.
Shannon is self sacrificing. Everything she did; she did for others. For years I thought for sure she would be a teacher. She always talked about it. When she went to school for nursing. We knew it was a perfect fit. She loves helping people. When they are happy, she is happy. I saw that most in the way she loved her children. She could come home and be so exhausted, but seeing the smiles on her children’s faces and just taking care of them brought her joy.
If there is one symbol for me that stands for who Shannon is, it would be a single red rose; Single, for her strong sense of independence and stubborn will to make a life on her own terms. Red for her passion and love that she felt for all. And a rose for the beauty forever cherished and desired by all.
She is love. She loved us all here more than she could ever tell us. Family is so important to Shannon. It is her strength, her support. She lies here today because of hate, but she lives in our hearts because of love. She would not want us to hold on to that anger, that poison that scars the soul, but to instead hold on to love because only love can heal the wounds of the soul. Only love can bring a brighter tomorrow. Shannon knew this. She lived this.
Shannon is my sister and I love her.” – Justin Lawrence
Please donate. help Shannon’s parents not have to worry about sweet little Emma and Peter..they have enough on their hearts than to worry financially.
God Bless you and your loved ones.
God Bless you and your loved ones.
To read all posts related to Shannon you can click here.
Please share her story..donate if you can.
If you have been touched by her story and would like to
visit her Memorial Page you can visit here.
Please Pray for peace in our world
and for all those affected by Domestic Violence.
Desha
June 21, 2011 at 10:11 pmI stumbled across your blog today and read this post. My prayers are with you, your family, and friends. God Bless.
Allison
June 23, 2011 at 12:11 amI had no idea. I have been reading all the post and can’t stop crying. I am so so sorry for your loss Natalie. I can’t imagine what you are going through. You and all the family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Little stay at home momma
June 24, 2011 at 12:05 amNatalie,I’m just balling looking at these pictures and reading about your grief. I’m so sorry. I heard 2 weeks ago when it all happened through an AMDG email from my BIL and couldn’t stop crying right after I found out. Then later that day I had a cousin 2 1/2 year old go missing in Birmingham, AL. A search party took 19 hours to find sweet Ella in the lake near their home. So I have been mourning for my dear little cousin Ella these last 2 weeks. It’s almost as if it’s really sinking in now and it’s so painful. Life is precious and being a mom and seeing the beauty in children makes the pain of losing moms and children so much deeper. I will pray for you and Shannons’s family. Love to you.